On March 4th an anonymous student of color wrote "Caught in the crossfire: one student of color’s experience with the race conversation on campus". The article was responded to by a couple of Alumni and students. The article and responses can be read in at the HORIZON ARCHIVE HERE or beneath the break: Caught in the crossfire: one student of color’s experience with the race conversation on campus by Anonymous student of color at Westmont I came to Westmont as a person of color, confused about my identity and hoping college was the place to find answers. Instead, I was confronted with an ironic tragedy at Westmont: racial equality and reconciliation cannot occur, and minorities like myself are just as much to blame as systemic racism. I have been silenced before, and will likely be discounted again, but greater fears force my anonymity. Both sides fuel the toxicity around race here, and neither will associate with me. was initially overwhelmed by the high population of white students when I arrived at Westmont. However, Intercultural Programs welcomed me to its community, helping me ease my way in. That community understood the complexities of my experience and accepted me for who I was, or so I thought.
At ICP meetings, students would often share their struggles as minorities on campus, or in general. Being constantly misunderstood is hard, especially when people say something insensitive, or hold a presupposition that leaves us feeling marginalized. Often enough, resentments boiled over into blame against the white majority. For a while, I thought I just needed to be more proud of my own race, resisting anything that got in the way. But in class, I was confronted with the idea that justice is “right relationship,” and it stuck with me. I wondered if my aggressive challenging of white culture was right, or if it excluded people from the race conversation. I asked some of my white friends if they felt allowed in the conversation, and was shocked to find that they felt shut out by my words and actions, and wished they could be included and learn to be more welcoming. A few hard conversations later, I realized that the way I was encouraged to talk about race at meetings devalued the voices of white people and tokenized their experiences, simply because they were white. This hurt students who wanted to engage just as much as those who did not. They were left scared of being labeled racist if they engaged, and made a mistake. I decided that this was not right relationship. If racial justice is the goal, the way we talk about it should not leave people in fear, but build strong intersectional relationships. I brought this idea to a meeting, and it was shot down. Other students said that white people should already know better, and that if they do not, they’re racist, and should be treated that way. They didn’t deserve patient teaching. Only radical action would bring about change. I disagreed, and so became less and less welcome at meetings, and the student leaders did little to keep me included. At first, I did not understand why, but it became clear. They don’t believe building right relationships works either. During the “Jesus Wasn’t White” movement last year, I hoped that genuine dialogue would bring real change in the student body. I got to bring my white friends into the conversation about race and faith in an inclusive way, and they engaged. But as the administration resisted, and the movement began to lose steam, I saw old resentments creep into the forefront. They pushed away otherwise sympathetic students who wanted to help make, but were once again discounted for their whiteness. The administration’s lack of decisive action and resentment in the ICP community have killed the possibility for dialogue, and along with that, my hope for right relationships. My white friends are now scared of saying the wrong thing around me, and other minorities call me a whitewashed sellout for not being as angry as they are. I’m left depressed, burnt out, and isolated. My words will be twisted into more white-blaming rhetoric, or that I’ll be discounted for not toeing the radical line. But let’s be abundantly clear: Westmont’s race conversation is toxic, and from both sides. Response from Caleb Rodriguez (3/5/2020) Hey there! I’m a former Westmont ICP leader. We’ve probably interacted before. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry if you’ve ever felt shut down during an ICP meeting–that is not what we’re here for. What I can say in response to your concerns about white students on campus is that ICP has never been a coalition that is against uniting with white students or that is for devaluing white students’ experiences. We have *always* welcomed white students into our meetings and programs and actually encourage white students to come! We believe that white students are an integral part of the dialogue about race on campus and in the wider context of the United States. Also, contrary to popular belief, we don’t think white people are bad! We think whiteness and white supremacy–as social forces connected to, not intrinsic to, white skin–are nefarious phenomena that systemically oppress people of color. We want white students to feel good about being white people, but we also want white students to reckon with the realities of racism in the world today and how, without doing so, they simply maintain white supremacy’s strongholds. And that often times requires some difficult conversations. In no way do we want white students to feel denigrated or unwelcome because of ICP. With that being said, I have also heard from numerous people that white people feel unwelcome when it comes to ICP. Personally, as someone who was involved with ICP for four years and led for two, I don’t think that this is in any way the fault of ICP leaders. It’s a misunderstanding. I think that many white students at Westmont are not used to talking about race–especially when it comes to identifying their own whiteness. Thus, they feel uncomfortable with ICP’s emphasis on acknowledging whiteness and working to dismantle white supremacy. This discomfort can also translate to a feeling of unwelcomeness. Again, durng my time as a student I heard white students say they felt attacked or unjustly trated by ICP, but not once did I ever have a white student who felt this way approach me or speak up during an ICP meeting. Was it really because ICP leaders are so hostile to white students? Or is it because many of these white students who felt this way did not take the time to discuss these feelings with ICP leaders? If they had, they would know that ICP, once again, is not on a mission to push white students out of Westmont or to enact an agenda of “reverse racism.” We rarely get the chance to clarify this conflation, but what white studetns at Westmont need to understand is that there is a difference between white skin and whiteness. When we talk about how whiteness is destructive, we are not talking about white people intrinsically, we are talking about the societal phenomenon of white supremacy that white people systemically perpetuate through colorblindness, white fragility, and unconscious/conscious prejudice . I think it’s also important to note that ICP also resists centering white voices. These are for historical reasons that display how white voices have always been centered (I don’t need to lay this history out for you); in ICP, we center voices of students of color. This can also easily be misinterpreted as “reverse racim.” However, to harken back to a popular quote, “When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.” Yes, white students matter. Yes, white students’ voices matter in conversations around race. But because white students do not experience racism, their voices are not centered in these conversations. While ICP will always listen to what white students have to say and will always offer them a seat at the table, ICP will not give up centering voices of color to make white people feel more comfortable in these spaces. Because not only has ICP become an antiracist advocacy group on campus, we provide spaces for students of color through our race-specific orgs that otherwise wouldn’t exist on campus. White students have spaces for them all throughout Westmont, where their voices are centered and their concerns are prioritized. Ultimately, I don’t want white students to feel in pain on campus because of ICP, and I know current ICP leaders don’t either. But ICP is more focused on supporting and advocating for students of color right now than making white students feel at ease in the inescapably difficult process of identifying their own whiteness–especially those white students who are not willing to take steps to join dialogue about race and listen rather than having their voices centered. I forgot to mention, ICP also does have an org called White Students for Racial Justice. If white students want, they can enter a space that is specifically geared toward them and hopefully begin to unpack all that they feel is troubling them when it comes to ICP and race. I hope this was helpful! Responce from Emily Herbst (3/5/2020) As a white student who has worked hard to improve my racial consciousness and deconstruct my bias over 3 years at Westmont, I want to call out the white fragility expressed in this article! I have never felt shut out, devalued or tokenized by ICP during the times I had the humility and fortitude to engage in the realities of white supremacy. Only the times in which I rested in the comfort of my white status did I feel guilt or “discriminated against.” NEVER tokenized as the “white perspective” because that is the dominant narrative at Westmont and far, far beyond. If one is truly willing to do the work, they will find a way. Responce from Hannah Webster (3/10/2020) As a white student, there have been times where I have felt that racial conversations have been hard to enter. However, it gives me perspective on how many other types of conversations on campus may feel as or more difficult to enter for students of color. Even when entering into these spaces that may feel hard or uncomfortable for me, it has been so beneficial to keep pushing myself to learn and participate in places that bring growth. No matter what, I think there needs to be immense amounts of grace for ICP student leaders (and students of color in general). They are put in a position where they are constantly asked to educate about, represent, and stand up for the experiences of people of color at Westmont by administration, faculty, staff, and students. Even in the most well meaning circumstances, this position is an exhausting one. To facilitate conversations about race on top of that can be overwhelming for anyone. I personally could never fulfill all the formal and informal parts of an ICP leadership role well, let alone perfectly. Any mistakes or offenses by ICP leaders, however small, must not be seen as separate from the individual’s humanity and experiences as a full time student, friend, and member of a family. This is a point of view afforded to all other Westmont students, and justice is not served if it is not extended to students of color as well. Thank you for sharing your perspective. It is important to hear all students perspectives on important and often painful topics of race and exclusion. I hope that your white friends can continue to be encouraged in their journey of understanding their own place in a racialized world, and that you too can find spaces to navigate your own presence in that world and campus without having to bear the burden of education or representation, even if that space isn’t the one created by ICP.
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